I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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