I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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