I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
