So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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