chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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