I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
