your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
