I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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