Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I got her a Nickelback box set.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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