Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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