My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
