This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
