I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Randomize
