am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize