I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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