She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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