I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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