Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
