I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
