out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
