Im at strip club and am horny
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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