tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I made him laugh his dick is mine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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