I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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