Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
