And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
