This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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