Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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