i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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