hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
