I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
