Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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