I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I deserve this hangover.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
