My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize