I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
