I'm lost and stupid without you.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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