dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
