Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
