Sry I called you an 8
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
