There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
