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I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
