shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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