Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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