How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
