weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
