I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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