You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
