Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize