Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
