I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You don't make any sense
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