his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
