Your tits are I can't wait for
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
