Umm I'm too high to move.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
