I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
