so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
