Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
