If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
