a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
