note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
