I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my being single is dangerous.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
