WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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