Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
