Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
