I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
