farters have to be the big spoon...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
