none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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