the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
