We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize