Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
