i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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