You really coming over, don't trick.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
