Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
