I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
