I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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