I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
