I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
